Facing Fear Part 3

Think of one thing you fear. Then, step back and look objectively at that fear. Let’s take the fear of public speaking again as an example. On a certain level, you can know and understand that you are not in any physical danger when you are speaking in public, unless of course you have an extremely hostile audience. So, what are the threats to you which come from standing in front of people and talking? The primary threats would be to your self esteem. Your fear is most likely based on the scenario that you could embarrass yourself or appear foolish. So, ask yourself why you have that perception. What makes you think you would embarrass yourself? Is it that you don’t know what you would say? If so, fine. That’s something you can certainly work on. If you don’t know what to say, and if that is the root of your fear then look at what your fear is attempting to tell you. And that is that you need to better prepare your comments.

Or there may be other factors causing your fear. They may have to do with your voice, your appearance, your mannerisms, the ideas you’re attempting to convey, or a whole host of other things. The point is, when you look closely at your fear, when you analyze and seek to understand it you’ll discover that your fear is not intended to stop you from moving forward but rather it’s there to enable you to move forward more knowledgeably and more effectively.

Many fears are quite legitimate and useful, and yet so many other fears are significantly overblown. As we’ve seen, often fear can build upon itself. When you feel a small fear it’s easy to expand that fear into a large and totally irrational fear.

So it pays to put your fears into perspective. It pays to take a step back from them, and make an attempt to look at them objectively. If there is a particular situation you fear, ask yourself what is the very worst thing that could happen. Challenge that fear by shining the light of objectivity on it. It may be legitimate and you may need to do something about it. Or it may be totally blown out of proportion. The way to know is to purposely step back and take a look at it.

Another one of the most common fears is the fear of rejection. And yet, though it can hurt your spirit, rejection is not so bad when compared to the alternative.

Do you fear rejection? Are you afraid of someone saying no to you? Ask yourself, is that really so bad. There are very successful people in this world to get told no every day. They understand that there is no dishonor in being told that. In fact, most times in order to get one yes answer you must get considerably many times that number of no answers. Rejection is really a misleading word because when someone says no to you, when someone answers you with a no, that is not a rejection of you personally. It is simply an honest answer. It is simply a cue for you to move on to the next order of business. If someone says no to you, so what? That’s their problem. Do everything you can to get a yes answer but don’t rip yourself up when you get a no. And certainly don’t hold yourself back because of the fear that someone will say no to you. Holding yourself back because of fear of rejection really makes no sense, because holding yourself back absolutely guarantees that you will not get a positive answer. A no might be a little bit painful. However, a life full of nothing, brought about by a the fear of rejection or embarrassment, is far, far worse. So, if you’re going to fear something don’t fear their rejection. Fear what would happen if you don’t go out there and get a few rejections.

If there’s something you fear that’s holding you back, somewhere there is an even greater fear, a more powerful fear, a fear that can push you forward. Fear is an incredible motivator. You’ve probably experienced that. Fear can give you razor sharp awareness. Fear can actually increase your physical strength right on the spot. If your fear of rejection or embarrassment or getting a no answer is preventing you from making sales calls, forget about that fear and think about the fear of not making any money this month, of not being able to pay your bills, of being evicted or having your mortgage foreclosed. Hearing a few negative answers from your customers is trivial compared with having to sleep on the street. Use your fear to move you forward. Don’t allow your fear to hold you back. It’s powerful, and you can use it in a positive way.
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